Life as of Late
Hello Friends and Family,
Life has been hard lately.
I feel scattered. Worn. Weary. Clouded. Numb. Paralyzed. Thirsty.
Although I’m not sure thirsty is an apt description. Perhaps it’s more fair to say that I long to be thirsty, yet the paralysis I’m under seems to have desensitized me to my own lack of hydration.
Still, I am vaguely aware of the vacancy in my soul. I continue to search to no avail—eat and yet crave more garbage, scroll and yet say “Just a few more minutes.” I seek for some sort of fulfillment and satisfaction in all the wrong places.
Much has transpired in recent weeks, none of which seems to have settled.
Health scares and numerous doctor’s visits. Sinus infections and crumbled-up tissues. Extended family strife and uncertainty. Increasing work demands and decreasing sunlight. Planting dreams and financial worries.
Rowan and Kinsey feel the weight of it all—expressing their big emotions through their little bodies, likely more honestly than we ourselves do or know how to.
The long hours leave little time for each other and for others.
I struggle not to place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and to stop worrying about what others might think of us and the work we’re seeking to do here in New York.
I fear I haven’t done enough—planned enough, prayed enough, reached out to partners enough, fundraised enough, networked enough.
Even more so, I fear I haven’t been a better husband, dad, neighbor, son, or friend.
I fear that I am not enough.
Deep down, I know my family is my primary ministry—after all, who cares if we plant a seemingly thriving church community if our family, and we ourselves, are driven to ruin?
Physically idling. Mentally exhausted. Emotionally starving. Spiritually desperate.
A few weeks ago at our Incubator Collective class with City to City NYC, Kristian Hernandez—a church planter from Hope Astoria—taught on Kingdom Prayer. It felt especially fitting, particularly the section on spiritual warfare. Having received the book early, Erin and I had read this sectioning fall of 2024:
“The moment you enter the world of church planting, you automatically place yourself behind the enemy’s line.
Church planting is not cool nor glamorous. It isn’t what you see on Instagram or at conferences—it’s war. Do not neglect this reality. The moment you become a church planter is the moment the evil one paints a target on your back.
The enemy will attack you, your spouse, your marriage, your family, your finances, your physical and mental health, and more. Every ‘crack’ in your life will be tested in an attempt to destroy you or your witness.”
Upon reflection, nearly a year to the day since we booked our initial plane tickets to move from Seattle to NYC, the waves of life have not seemed to let up.
The prophet’s words speak to this moment:
“Ho, everyone who thirsts,
come to the waters;
and you that have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without price.
Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
Listen carefully to me, and eat what is good,
and delight yourselves in rich food.”
Why?
Why do I continue to forsake the fountain of living water and dig out cisterns in my own strength, ones “that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2.13)? The psalmist describes where I find myself:
“Some wandered in desert wastes,
finding no way to an inhabited town;
hungry and thirsty,
their soul fainted within them.
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress;
he led them by a straight way,
until they reached an inhabited town.
Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,
for his wonderful works to humankind.
For he satisfies the thirsty,
and the hungry he fills with good things.”
I share all this because from the beginning of our church planting process, we’ve resolved to be honest and transparent with God, ourselves, and our partners. We believe we cannot do this work on our own and long for your prayers and encouragement.
In the midst of it all, we have still had many wonderful experiences and attestations of grace:
Our family has been a part of forming a Friday night park/dinner/dessert night with three other families. It’s become a regular part of our family’s life and rhythm.
I preached my first sermon at Trinity Grace Church (Listen on Apple, Spotify, or YouTube).
We shared an update with our host church Trinity Grace Church.
I met our good friend Brian Janous for lunch while he was in town.
I began regular church-planting coaching with the pastors of Trinity Grace Church.
I’ve been meeting with and learning from other seasoned planters in the city, especially those who have planted churches through alternative and creative ministry expressions (e.g., cafés, storefronts, community centers). This is a model that we are very interested in pursuing and are actively praying about and considering the possibility.
I attended a seminar led by Eugene Cho—pastor and President/CEO of Bread for the World—on faith and politics.
I’ve also been connecting with multiple church-planting networks and denominations that have experience planting nontraditional models in urban centers.
We’ve been going through The Marriage Course with our church community. We’ve really enjoyed and benefited greatly from these weekly conversations together.
We were thrilled to be able to meet and hear N. T. Wright teach about his new book on Ephesians.
I’ve been regularly attending a Brooklyn Pastors and Planters gathering for prayer, encouragement, and support.
My dad visited us for a few days. We also were able to see my dad’s cousin who was visiting his son at Columbia University.
I attended a one-day training event led by Alan Hirsch, where he discussed utilizing alternative ministry expressions as a means of church planting in the post-Christian West.
I’ve made an effort to attend local arts events to become more acquainted with the culture, including several book releases and a taping of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.
Erin and I took a day to retreat from the noise of the city while the girls were in school. We rode the train to Hastings-on-Hudson, enjoyed delicious coffee and pastries, walked along the river, and reflected together on what we’ve been hearing and learning from God about church planting. One of my planting coaches strongly encouraged us to make regular retreats from the city—to breathe, rest, pray, recreate, and reconnect.
I attended a one-day training on cultivating a prayerful church, hosted by Awaken Network—a ministry of Jon Tyson and Church of the City New York.
Erin’s parents visited us for five days.
Erin and I celebrated 12 years of marriage on November 9 in the West Village—sipping coffee, perusing a bookshop, enjoying Italian food, and laughing together at a stand-up comedy club.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers. We are deeply grateful for your prayers along with every text, call, email, DM, and letter.
With love and gratitude,
Tyler A. Saldaña
(Erin and the girls say, “Hi!” too!)
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